No Name
I turned my head
To a tall but
Beautiful tree
Bright green leaves and
Rosemary seeds was the
Image my eyes admitted
They had innocently seen
The reflection inside my eyes
Shown a man my mind
Swore it knew
I delivered happiness his
Way and he returned
To me with a smile that
Only grew;
A memory had sparked
Somewhere inside
My heart that I felt
Wasn’t very new
Sometime in the past,
This man had been
In my life
If only I absolutely
Had known who
His pale brown eyes
Had whispered to mine
He truly meant what
His face had in dignified
He swung his strong
Large arms;
To hop down from
The branch he was
Sitting upon
I observed his actions
Rather closely and
My eyes alerted
My mind that
No part of him
Had landed firmly
Though I’d felt
The vibration beneath
My toes that he did indeed
Succeed his leaping;
Perhaps,
All of this was just
A hallucination;
Just simply my
Imagination
Tricking me into believing
A scene
That never happened
No one near to tell
Me if what I had
Seen was real but
From now on,
I can honestly say
I’ve seen a man I
Once knew
Disappear
Bright Lights
My future
Undiscovered memories
Shines in the pitch
Black dark
A heavy burden once
Known as my heart
Beautiful opportunities
I may or may not endure
If I am, or if I’m not
A simple kid anymore
I look up into the
Sky and realize how
Beautiful it is
It’s such an amazing
Sight on a clear
Summer night
I can’t wait to find you
To come with me tonight
Into the dark shadows
That will soon turn
To light
I’ll wait for you to see
I’m better than anyone
Else you’ll seek
Once I learn your name
My heart will then
Be complete and
Set free
The shadow of
The light
The darkness of
My life
I’m the only one
Who can see,
The bigger and
Better part of me
I want to live with
No unhappiness
I want to survive
Through all the madness
To pick myself back up
When and if I fall
My future
I see bright lights
I’m almost out of
The tunnel
Will you meet me
On the other side?
Waiting
Deeper my thoughts travel
I can’t seem to attempt a smile
The darkness is in control for awhile
My life went downhill
Ever since the stranger vanished
I lie here by myself
Waiting
Waitng for time to pass
I strive to be free
From everything inside me
I’m screaming
Can you hear me?
My thoughts run
Deeper and deeper
I wish the pain would
Finally release me
Stay
Too many words to stray
Feelings too strong;
I’ve never felt this way
Once you went away
I knew you forgotten
What I was;
What I am
I felt so alive
When I stood by your side
Entwined-
To your soul
Gone-
You were;
You took my heart with you
Inside I felt dead
Half alive I was
It was the start
Of a new terrible
Beginning I
Couldn’t seem
To escape
Couldn’t help the
Thousands of tears fall
From my broken
Hurt eyes
I had fell too hard
For me to bear
I’m bruised;
Scarred
Look deep within
My eyes
You’ll capture
The hope it holds
That you’ll remain
Come back,
You’re all I want
And need
I want to hold
Your heart-
Perfection you are
Stay with me
Broken
Darkness from the
Box the stranger
Left for me
Months ago
Left me broken;
I felt unknown
Myself is who
I hated
Nobody could’ve
Saved me
I was alone and
My heart
Kept on
Breaking
Bloomed
I don’t understand
The reason why
Everything that occurred
To me this year
What have I done so
Morally wrong to deserve
Such pain?
I lost everything
Especially myself
Who am I now?
Am I even good enough?
I don’t understand
Why
I had to walk
Through this alone
What’s the reason?
I strive to know
But
It’s over now
I’ve grown
Growing Up
We met
We clicked
Friends we were
I hate to know
It’s not like that anymore
Would you still consider
Us something that’s
Suppose to be rather
Close? No.
We met
We clicked
We drifted;
It’s different
We laugh,
We joke but
Did you even
Notice I had lost myself?
We’re basically strangers
And it fucking sucks
I’d really love to be
Close again
Ever since we went
Out all I’ve seen was
Awkwardness
Some days I
Feel like we’re
The same;
Like we never
Changed;
How we used
To be
Most times though,
That isn’t the case
I have something
To admit:
I miss you
That’s it
I want to go to
The start
Of a new beginning
Like we never met;
Start over and be
the best of friends
Once again
Because I love you and
I’d do anything for you
Don’t let it end like this
Stop It
I like to stand out
I dislike to fit in
I like to stand proud
In what I believe in
Come in my merrily way,
I’ll end you;
I’m not afraid anymore
You don’t phase me
Leave me alone
You’re not anything
Like me
I’m me and I’m
Never changing
Yes I’m weird;
It’s better than what
You tend on being
I don’t like you
Just stop your acting
It’s fucking irritating
Escape
Time runs slow
Or so it seems
I don’t want
To be here
I want
To leave
Run away;
From all the
Misery
I hate
This life
Take me somewhere;
Where I can
Finally breathe-
So I can
Set myself free
The Real Thing
So close
For so long
Feelings that
Are new and
Unknown
Broken promises;
Loses trust
Earn to gain back
Maybe love
Maybe lust;
Can’t tell but
It’s different
Feelings I’ve
Never felt
I like it though
Enough to continue
This mystery on
To see if this
Is the real thing
For the both of
You and me
The Real Thing Part 2
Twisted fate
My perfect mate
Not eye to eye but
Behind disguise
Which one’s you?
The old or the new?
Hard to believe
Imitated decease
You disappeared;
You’re gone forever;
Out of my life
Such a shame
My used to be
One and only
Best friend
Every night you
Were there
Now I know you’re
No longer here
Any more
Never were
I still stand
Never had me
Never will
Why do you tend
To turn to the pill?
It makes you lie
Lie to me
The best girl
You’ll ever know
For eternity
Biggest mistake
You could ever
Make yesterday
I walked away ,
No turning back,
You’re fucked up
Sorry but I no
Longer can help
Fix your broken
Beating
heart
Strangers
The sound of his
Voice shakes me
The lyrics of his songs
Make me
Who I am;
Who I’m not
I love this man,
He owns my heart
His name is Shayley
Shayley Bourget
Valentino
Alan
Phil and
Austin, had found me
I was lost,
Lost out at sea
Heroes they are
To me but also stangers;
Stangers that contain
Beauty that I
Admire and
Adore completely
Torn
Each and every tear I shredded
Has told a story
Once upon a time
There was a girl
That used to be so alluring
Ever since she met this
Boy, he hasn’t left
Her mind but
She wasn’t surprised
That he was just another one
Who left her there
Dying and crying inside
All these months and
Days, it was because of
Him she was able to
Sleep through the pain
The tears were from
All of the words he
Spoken to her that would
Always replay throughout
Her head
He knew so very well
How to make her smile but
She never knew he
Could make her feel so
Terribly horrible
Whenever she passed him
In the halls she hoped
So desperately he’d look
Her way to look into
Her eyes and admit
To her
Did he ever even
Feel the same way?
The Thought Of You
The thought of you
Is still there,
Still lingering here
Inside my head where
All of my scattered thoughts
Travel all around throughout
My head; my mind
The thought of you
Still sends shivers down my spine
The thought of you
Still lingers inside my head
“It’s been a year” my mind said
Or keeps saying
Why are you still here?
Did you not hear me clearly?
When I screamed for you to leave?
Was my crying not enough?
For you to see,
That the thought of you
Only makes me want to fucking bleed?
Dream
Over thinking destroys me
Destroys any happiness
That enters my heart
I’ve decided something
I’ve decided to just dream
Dream of happy things
Dream of many things
Many things in which
I ultimately love
Things and thoughts that
Smiles across my face
Will I be happy soon?
Happy with myself?
And the life in which
I live?
Because it’s too late now,
I can’t give up
My hardest of trying
Will soon pay off
1/29/13
It’s been awhile
I still struggle on
Attempting smiles
Every day is different
I still haven’t moved
I’m still here
Slowly dealing with
Coping on transforming
To vanish it
Progress has been made
But like I said,
I still haven’t moved
From here
Why?
What’s wrong with me?
Are my insides bundled
Up with fear?
2/5/13
I’m so depressed. I remember when I felt his low. Why do I feel like this again? I thought it was ending. But it isn’t. I’m not getting ‘professional’ help. I’m just going to accept the sadness. I’m going to live with it, because I know that one day, it will be over and I’ll be happy. I’m going to stop expecting that it’s going to be soon. Because it’s not. Positive thinking are just pretty lies; it covers up the truth.
2/23/13
When you have your head down I can’t help but wonder if you’re just tired or something is actually wrong. I wonder what you’re thinking; what you’re dreaming. Would I be disappointed if I knew? Or would I reward myself for the fact that for once my hopes end to be true?
2/24/13
These thoughts aren’t weakening. Each day they grow bolder and stronger. Thoughts of him. His smile is the happiest thought inside my mind. I wish his smile was mine. I crave that smile. I want to be his happiness, I want his happiness. The happiness that is released every time he shows teeth. I haven’t seen so much beauty at once. I think about being with him. Talking to him. Him talking to me. Are these thoughts ever going to transfer to reality? He’s more than a mystery. I can read everyone but him. It drives me crazy. Some days I SWEAR he likes me. His blue eyes convince me to believe. The other days, I swear that he doesn’t like me at all and he never will. I think that’s my insecurities. They make me believe negative things. So, I’m confused. Is he interested or not? Hopefully soon I’ll find out. I can feel confidence entering slowly inside me every day. Hopefully soon my confidence will be strong enough to give me the courage I need. Once that day arrives, I believe my life will then be changed. I believe my eyes will open and all the dots will be connected. That’s when happiness will be so true for me. That’s when I’ll smile for real again. That’s when I will win.
Insecure
It’s one of those days again. Yesterday was perfect, what happened? It’s because I had those 5 hour energies, I know it. Energy drinks make me happier. They make me think much more positive and clearer. Today, I don’t think he likes me. He’s sitting right in front of me. I’m continuously thinking negative thoughts. I went to the bathroom and tried to breathe, to calm my anxiety. But it didn’t change anything. He doesn’t like me, how the fuck could he? Here I go again. It’s my insecurities speaking. I HATE feeling this way. I need to go to the gym. I need to get rid of this fatness. It’s a huge weigh down, literally. He’s just so cute and adorable. I’m so weird, fat, and unappealable. I’m trying, I really am. Maybe he does like me. There I go. Maybe he does. I’m beautiful. I’m beautiful. Is it working? No. I’m disgusting. And it’s killing me.
When?
Days like these
My insecurities speak
Through every inch
Of beauty I’d seen
From yesterday’s anxiety free
I couldn’t halt the negative thoughts
That trembled through out my head
I quickly stood and left the room
I tried to catch up with my mind
I don’t understand why it’s
Happening all over again
Is there an easier way to
Solve this?
Will tomorrow be a day I
Finally find myself to
Confront him?
He’s not the problem for this,
It’s me
He doesn’t even know that
Many of my thoughts
Even contain him;
His smile and the feeling
His eyes whispers
To mine
I feel so overwhelmed why
haven’t these feelings went away?
I hate feeling this way
It’s not me
Why the fuck am I still
Fighting to get out?
I don’t want to be stuck
Here the majority of the time
In my mind
It tortures me
It makes me into someone
I don’t want to be
I hate living this way
I just want to be set
Completely free and never
Be dragged down by the darkness
That has been living in my mind,
For the past year or so,
Hasn’t it received the message?
That it’s not welcome here,
Not welcome to stay with me?
Butterfly
Instincts of a positive endeavor swooped into full focus. My heart embraced the happy sparks my mind had delivered out. I caught them while extracting the negative emotions and thoughts. Am I in control right now? Is my awareness silenced in clarity? The pain in between each scar, each tear, created the holes in leaves, on trees for the caterpillars to transform in; into butterflies over the few weeks. Time; all it took was time. Would that leaf with the cut up green spine fall to nature’s grassy, sandy and refurnished mind? Or will it fly free with wind and the dust of love? Will I breathe that same air into my lungs sometime in my life, when I’m old enough to admit the color and sounds of the forest standing under sunlight? And will the rain surround my doubts and filter out my fear? Will I be strong enough to control the thoughts into shadows when they finally disappear? If so, my heart will sense the familiar smell and taste of the tears that started this fall and all. Things like these will never be left behind; forgotten of. Its dusty riddance remains with us. Whenever I observe trees, I see greatness. And the beauty of life. And all the little in-betweens. I admire to focus on the little in-betweens, because they are what makes in life, the most beautiful things.
∞
